#transfem!Matt Murdock x Reader

[devilw-rites]

Chrysalis

Tags: transfem!Matt Murdock x Reader, coming out angst, references to transmisogynistic violence (not toward Matt), transition from he to she pronouns. (1,912 words)

You thought you knew Matt better than anyone. There were no secrets between you, not even about Daredevil. Except all week he's been acting strange and hasn't won't say anything to you about what's bothering him. Until this morning. (Read on AO3)

When you first met Matt, it was love at first sight.

You were in Torts, all alone without any friends to buffer the awkwardness and nerves of your first day of law school. You wrote scribbles in your notebook to at least appear busy, but you were anxious the people behind you thought you were a lunatic. It really shouldn't matter, you thought to yourself, they're all in the same boat that you're in.

To your utter horror, two people sat beside you. A blond man with frizzy locks and a brunette wearing rectangular shades. It didn't take you long to pick up that the latter was blind, folding up his white cane and stuffing it in his backpack, or to know that they were close friends. The blond wouldn't stop talking, a nervous edge to his voice as he found a million ways to affirm that what was happening was real and not just a fantasy. You felt so awkward being seemingly the only one without a companion, everyone else in the room at least chatting with the strangers sitting around them.

Almost as if he could read your mind, the brunette turned his head in your direction and smiled. That fucking smile. Little fireworks errupted in your chest while you tried to scramble for an appropriate response. You settled on smiling back with a raise of your hand in a vague reference to a way, that seemed reasonable enough.

“She just waved at you, by the way,” the blond informed his friend, turning his attention to the interaction once he realized he wasn't being listened to anymore.

Your eyes widened and your whole body tingled from how fast it heated up in embarrassment. “Oh shit, I'm sorry–”

The brunette chuckled a little bit, still grinning at you. “No no, it's okay, Foggy here does it all the time,” he reasured.

It eased you a little bit to hear that, but you still felt flustered by the interaction. The blond, Foggy, quickly introduced himself to you as "Matt's" best friend and wingman. Despite your initial apprehension, you found yourself increasingly grateful that they chose to sit with you. When the professor walked in and began introducing herself, you felt much less intimidated by what lay ahead of you.

Ever since then, you and Matt were as attached as he and Foggy were. You shared secrets, accomplishments, and hardships. No matter what, he always had your back. When your relationship developed romantically, just a week after Matt and Foggy decided to start their own firm, that flourished as well. He shared Daredevil with you, showing the suit to you when it was made, and coming to you for comfort when the work got particularly draining. Nothing was hidden between you two, you knew each other better than you knew yourselves.

At least, that's what you thought.

The past week, Matt had been exceptionally quiet, but you chalked it up to stress or just one of those moods. He didn't always feel like talking, about his feelings or in general, so you'd gotten used to periods of comfortable silence. They'd never lasted this long, though, and you were starting to worry he was shutting you out about something to do with work or Daredevil. You knew you couldn't pry, it would only push him deep into his shell. You had to wait for him to come to you, like he always inevitably did.

This morning, things were different. Matt barely said a thing that morning, he seemed spaced out, and his hands shook the slightest bit when he poured you both a cup of coffee. You bit your tongue and resigned yourself to leading the conversations and offering him affection, hoping it would melt away whatever was holding him back.

After breakfast, the two of you lounged together on the couch. He had his head on your shoulder and eyes closed as he listened to the TV show you were currently enthralled in, his own way of watching things with you. At least, you thought he was listening, absentmindedly scratching your nails in his hair and focusing your attention on the scene playing out. You felt his legs shaking a bit, like he was refraining from bouncing them in anxiety.

Then, Matt took a deep breath.

He pulled himself out of your touch, opening his eyes and raising them to about where your face was. You looked at him, the TV, and then back at him. You grabbed the remote and paused your show, already knowing whatever was happening was probably a big deal.

You saw the fear in Matt's whole face. A wobbly bottom lip, wide eyes, shaky breaths. He was trying to say something, but it was taking everything to convince himself to do it. You placed your hand on top of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Are you okay, Matty?” You gently coaxed. He shrugged in response. “It's okay, baby, you're safe. It's just me, okay?” This appeared to put him at ease, albeit just a little.

With a sharp inhale, Matt stilled all at once. His words still shook as he began.

“I've been thinking about this for a really long time, and I came to a realization a few weeks ago,” Matt began. “I didn't want to keep it from you, because you deserve to know, but I'm just so scared you'll hate me or feel differently about me.”

Now you were full of nerves. Your heart beat rapidly as you tried not to jump to conclusions. You couldn't think of any reason you would hate him, not unless he cheated or something else just as extreme. That wasn't possible, though, Matt loved you and would never do anything like that. What else was there?

Finally, the words fell from Matt's lips.

“I'm a woman.”

Your eyes widened, absolutely blindsided by the revelation. You never expected this from her, not in a million years, and you weren't sure what to say other than–

“I love you.”

Maybe it was the right thing to say, or maybe she could just tell from sensing your body's reactions, but she let out a cry of relief. All the pent up emotions, all the fear, flooded out all at once as her face crumpled and her eyes turned red from the salt in her tears.

You jumped into action, pulling her into you and resting her head on your shoulder. She clung onto you, gripping the back of your shirt and letting out sobs into your neck. You shushed her quietly, holding her tightly against you with one hand and enveloping your other in her hair, scratching her scalp how you know she likes. The two of you rock back and forth slightly, letting out all of your emotions into each other. A few tears slipped from you, empathy crying for the pain she must have felt all this time.

The pair of you stayed like that for quite a while, Matt letting everything out. Eventually, she pulled back and faced you again with bloodshot eyes.

“Are we okay?” She whimpered, probably searching for any sign of disgust, anger, or hatred from you. But there was none.

“Yes, Matt, we're always okay,” you said, kissing her for a moment as confirmation. “I'm sorry I made you think you couldn't come to me about this. I'd never hate you for being trans or anything else, I love whatever you are.”

Matt shook her head, a weak smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “No, no, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just still scary. You can never know exactly how someone will react.”

You hummed in response, grabbing her hands for probably the millionth time that day. Questions lingered on your tongue, but you weren't sure what you were supposed to say and not say for this.

“You can say what you want,” Matt interrupted your thoughts. She sensed your sudden apprehension.

“Um, is it okay if I ask questions? It's totally okay if not, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable! I just, uh, wanna make sure I get everything right,” you rambled.

At this, Matt finally did smile, laughing a little bit at your eagerness to support her. “Yeah, go ahead and ask whatever you want.”

“Okay,” you began, “when did you find out? How did you find out?”

Matt blinked a few times, biting her lip. “Uh... Late September.” That was almost four weeks ago. “I first started feeling confused in July, when I had that defense case with the woman who stabbed her boyfriend? She was... She was like me, as you know. I don't know, I guess I knew people like that existed, but I'd never met them. So coming face to face, talking with her about how she felt, it made me... Scared, I guess. Because I related so much to her.”

You nodded in understanding, knowing she sensed it. “I remember her, Courtney. I felt really bad for her, she had it rough.”

“Yeah, she did. Um, then I went online, and the library, and tried to find anything about transgender people. Everything I heard hit so close to home, but I couldn't accept it,” Matt said. “And one night, I just... Woke up. I forgot to shave that morning, and it bothered me all day. When I finally go home late, I went straight to the bathroom and shaved my face and then... I just started crying. It was like all at once I knew I couldn't stop pretending to be someone I'm not.”

“Thank you for telling me all this. It was probably really hard for you,” you said.

Matt sighed. “Yeah, it was, and I hated hiding it all from you. I just wanted to tell you, to tell Foggy and Karen, but I was scared. So scared what happened to Courtney could... could happen to me. Even if I know none of you would ever do something like her boyfriend did.”

“I understand, you knew the horror stories, I take no offense,” you reassured. ”I do have, um some more questions. One, what can I call you? Two, what are the... physical changes you'll make?”

You received a sheepish smile in response, Matt clearly a little embarrassed about revealing even more personal details. “Matt is, uh, Matt is fine. I like it. She-her works too,” she tried to play it off nonchalantly. “And I don't know about hormones or surgeries or anything. I don't not like my body, I just wish it wasn't seen as a man's body. I've been looking into laser hair removal for my face, though, I want that gone.”

It was a lot to take in, but nothing you weren't ready to accept. You pulled Matt into another hug, just as tight as before, earning an "oomph!" from her. You kissed the side of her shoulder lovingly.

“Whatever you do, I'll always support you. I love you, I love my beautiful girlfriend,” you said. At this, Matt teared up again, finally reassured once and for all that you accepted her as the woman she is.

“I love you too, so, so much,” Matt whispered back.

Once you were done hugging, crying, and kissing it out, Matt told you about the websites and books she read. She curled up close to you while you tapped away on your phone, soaking in as much of the information as you could. You were thrilled to have your happy woman back.